It’s easy to get frustrated when our desires don’t align with our physical or mental capacity. Submissives may long to endure more pain or provide specific acts of service, dominants may want to top at a certain intensity level or engage in specific forms of control – but chronic illness, pain, disability, fatigue, neurodivergence, trauma responses, and mental health challenges can get in the way. We’ll explore the grief, shame, and vulnerability that arises when this happens, and discuss practical adaptations, communication strategies, and creative renegotiation. Attendees will examine internalized ableism and self-induced pressure to “perform,” and leave with tools to honor ourselves and our partners exactly as we are.